Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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