dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
