bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
