I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
