Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
