Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
