Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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