I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
