I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
