Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
