I'd wear matching sweaters with you
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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