Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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