if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
