I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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