three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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