if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
