before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
