I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
