He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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