I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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