I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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