Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
