video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My ass is underappreciated
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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