i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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