Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
