Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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