Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
