oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
