Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
