I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
