i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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