I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
