Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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