He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
