Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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