I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
