So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
