I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
His nipple licking is glorious
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