I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
