we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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