But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
