Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
