You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
