so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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