he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
