I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
