Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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