You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
