this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
