But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
