I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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