Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
