Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
