then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
