I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
