dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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