there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
